Untitledi act like i don’t care that all my friends here abandoned me to be fake. to pretend they are someone they aren’t. to suck up to families they’ll never be a part of.
but secretly, i cry myself to sleep, because i’m so lonely, i could scream.
there are so many babies in my life.
but they all block me and never get over it.
my life, however, is full of these things: bolivar tomorrow with my best friend for 2 days. double date friday night. double date saturday night. church sunday. spray tan monday. marriage license and related documentation on tuesday. rehearsal on wednesday. ABBEY MALONE gets here thursday. bachelorette party and set up friday. I’M GETTING MARRIED ON SATURDAY. and off to colorado i go, on sunday, for a solid week. i can’t even wait.
i don’t like shark week.
maybe i’ve been in this boat before… oh, scratch that, i know i have.
BUT. it seems to me that the people i see complaining about friendlessness are the people i see ending friendships for petty, stupid, reasons.
(not you, sammy wilson. i love you.)
i don’t have very many friends. i will admit this. but i know why. and yeah, it gets hard sometimes, but you know what? i didn’t push them away for STUPID reasons. like, sorry my wedding couldn’t be a form of advertisement for you.
wait, i’m not sorry at all.
girls are hard to stick with. we’re catty. we will be SO nice to your face (in some cases), and belligerent behind your back. (i’m pretty belligerent to your face.)
i hear a lot of people say that i’m a dumb b who doesn’t have any friends. i KNOW people say that. you should ask these people if that’s true. then we’ll see who’s really the dumb b.
lauren rebecca mitchell-hunter
aleisa haley mifflin
kristan “sexpanther” jones
stefani renee shirel
tayla dawn baker
kayla michelle branham
katie brooke hutton
jessica lynn craig
meghan leigh burton
brook ariel burton
emily christen gardner
heather rae vance
jessica beth johnson
say that to ANY of those girls.
try to talk shhh about me ONE TIME to those girls, and i promise you, it will get ugly. they’re my sisters. they’ve been with me for years. even if i didn’t let them play some part on my life that they wanted to play because it didn’t work out the way it needed to. yeah, you big cry babies.
they STILL stuck by me. and they will.
they know who i really am. the good. the bad.
because that is what friendship is. loving a person for who they are. not who you want them to be, or how much they can do for you. but people here in joplin don’t get that. they think, that person doesn’t make me look good to this person. they’re not a good enough christian. they won’t let me take their wedding pictures.
and bam. you’re out. not because of who you are. but because of what you could (or couldn’t) do for them. it’s sad, really.
that’s my frustration of the day. i’m just tired of people throwing a pity party for not having friends when it’s their fault. and they know it.
poor me, i don’t have any friends. and i don’t know why. it couldn’t be that i’ve pushed everyone away because i’m self-serving and i accuse them of doing things they’ve never done and talk shh about them to my family. poooor meeee.
OVER IT.
how is my game going to finish uploading and i didn’t even notice? welcome to me being worthless until my alterations appointment.
i remember when we were little. I was the older sister. i was the one that said, no, do this. or do that. that was my job.
but now we’re older, and you’ve got it in your head that i somehow owe you my life. i owe you my loyalty over my future husband. i owe you the dress you want to wear in MY wedding. i owe you the privelage of working with younglife even though i have dreamed of doing it forever. i owe you those things.
my clothes are never good enough, my hair, my make up. my gauges are gross. my skirt is too short. i’m not a good christian because i have a drink every once and awhile.
i’m stupid because i like lady gaga, and i’m a total crazy ass because i’m under the most stress of my life right now, and i wanted you to leave today when you were upsetting me. forgive me for being the most horrible sister in the world to have.
i wonder what it’s like to have a sister who is okay with me the way i am. who loves me even though i like lady gaga, and wear short skirts cause it’s a balmy 105 outside plus humidity. i wonder what it would be like to have a sister who would share a glass of wine with me and not judge me every second i was drinking it.
i wonder what it would be like to have a sister who just wanted to be my friend and wanted me to be invloved in her world. it gets lonely being me. you’d think my sister would be there.
she won’t.
Is that your song I hear playing?
‘Cause I’m feeling it too
Does it take all direction, all control over you?
When you sing do you slip away?
Back to that place in your mind?
Let our love be the one thing you wont leave behind
Rewind and play
Time to go backwards again
I’m moved by the way
All the notes in time make the melody
Hold me and sway into the moment we share
Where we can stay so attached to the memory
How I long just to hold you
And see you let go as we dance
I know you’re reminiscing through our romance
Can you hear the piano?
And the pulse of the drums?
Does the tune and the groove bring you back to our love?
Oh, come and find it Honey…
Rewind and play
Time to go backwards again
I’m moved by the way
All the notes in time make the melody
Night into day
Can we move onward from here?
Where we can stay on and on attached to the memory
Oh I know you can feel it
Let it take you there
(Oh-oh oh)
Rewind and play
Time to go backwards again
I’m moved by the way
All the notes in time make a sweet melody
Night into day
We have been captured again
A new time and place to make a million new memories
some of my wedding stuff came in the mail today. it’s perfect. i almost cried, i’m so happy.
and then i cried because i was puking my guts up. so. i’m going to take medicine and sleep today.
get married. so i’m a grown up. there are lots of other things grown ups are supposed to do that i haven’t seen many of my “grown-up” friends do lately. but whatever. let them act a fool.
i had a pretty interesting week to say the least. i wish i could type it all out and get it off my chest but somethings are meant to be kept secret, for the sake of keeping things uncomplicated.
so that’s what i’m doing, i guess. that, and not allowing my heart to be pulled in two different directions. iit’s amazing the way that past pops up to not only haunt you, but to pull you right back to where you were 6 years ago. like nothing had changed, and you both didn’t know what you know now. ah, dreaming big.
people are so vicious. and arrogant. my mom just got home from rehab. i would never ask people to choose me over their family, and in this case we all KNOW that’s now happening…so i would appreciate it if people would stop asking me to do that. no, i would appreciate it if people would stop EXPECTING me to do that, and then throwing a huge, arrogant, BABY fit when i don’t.
